Many people have experienced the phenomenon of being hungry while
having no appetite for food; you know you need the food to continue
living — you may feel it in your stomach, or have a sense of low
blood sugar, but nothing sounds appealing. At times like this, I make
a peanut butter sandwich or something equally bland, and eat it as
fast as I can. Sometimes the peanut butter sandwich acts as an
appetizer and reboots my appetite.
watch, or listen to, let alone summon from my own dry brain, appeals.
This condition has been known for millennia, and is often called
acedia. As part of the research for Mindhacker a couple of years ago, I bought
a book called Acedia & Me: A Marriage, Monks, and a Writer’s Life, but
the author’s strong Roman Catholic bias is not helping me. I turn to
the last chapter for the author’s lessons learned, and read, “A way
where there is no way; this is what God, and only God, can provide.”
Alas, God and I are no longer on speaking terms; another way where
there is no way must be found. https://www.librarything.com/work/5361111 Writing this blog post has helped a bit. I think part of my problem is
a week at work of practically enforced inaction. I work at home, so I
have plenty to divert me during down time, but constantly refreshing
my email client to see if I have any new feedback from the team is
enervating. I feel I must be on alert, always ready to respond to an
important email, yet when nothing happens, I feel as if I’m in a tiger
cage, which never lets me either stand up (and act) or lie down (and
relax). http://ur1.ca/5xi72 So now I’ve pinned down the reason for my acedia, it seems to be
receding — I’ve not only pinned it down, perhaps, but pinned it in a
wrestling hold. Released from the tiger cage, which I myself have
made, I feel free to either act or relax — probably the latter,
because the past 40 hours of crouching have tired me out.
Odds & Entities 